The One About The Hamster

The One About The Hamster

True story: In 7^th grade I had a friend that I liked very much, but after spending the night at her house, I knew I could never do it again. Her house was a freakin’ mess! I thought I was gonna have a heart attack the first time I set foot inside. I had palpitations, I was sweaty, I was sure I was going to die at the tender age of 13. I really wanted to go home, but I couldn’t think of a believable excuse, so I stuck it out. Weeks later, they discovered they had a hobo living in their basement. An actual hobo. How long was he there? Who knows, but I will tell you this…I wasn’t surprised. I was only surprised that they EVER found him there, with all the crap in that house.

At the root of my discomfort at the hobo house, was this: I come from the household of a neat mother. No, not “neat” as in “cool” (sorry, mom). “Neat” as in anal-retentive cleaning machine. There were a lot of rules and regulations about the condition of the house. My mom never sat down, she was always cleaning. I once lost my beloved hamster, Ricky Schroeder, only to discover his lifeless, yet clean body in a freshly washed load of towels.(Note: this was a case of involuntary hamsterslaughter. My mom did not do this on purpose.I think that Ricky, also being raised in a clean environment, was seeking out the washing machine in a misguided attempt to become even cleaner, and therefore more acceptable to my mother) In a related incident: My sister and I wanted a dog, and we got one…twice.Each of them made it until spring, at which point they disappeared in some spring cleaning-related purge. I was lucky to have survived 18 years of spring cleanings. I think I only made it because I too, was a neat person. I still don’t know how my younger sister made it through…she was a mess, and she is lucky she wasn’t dragged to the curb in a hefty bag.

Sometimes, when a person is forced to be neat in their childhood, they rebel and turn into a giant mess the minute they get a little freedom. I was not this person. I stayed neat, and I mean “neat” as in “cool” as well as clean and organized. You may also think that losing 2 dogs, 1 hamster, and almost 1 sister during spring-cleaning bonanzas, would have soured me on the whole ritual. It did not. I don’t think I am alone when I say that something about the change of weather makes me want to clean some things, and throw out others. I think part of the reason is that we start to count down the days until our kids will be home for the summer. That number sends us into a panic…..I ONLY HAVE 94 DAYS TO GET THINGS DONE BEFORE MY FREE TIME IS OVER!!

This is the time of year when I start deep clean everything, and I go through closets, drawers, toy boxes, etc…and get rid of everything we don’t use. Every spring I come across so many McDonalds/Chik-Fil-A toys that I need therapy to rid myself of the feeling that I am a terrible mother who never cooks for her child. I go through my closet and realize that I have way too many “skinny outfits” that, unless I get a tapeworm, I am never gonna get back into. I gather all this stuff into a pile for Goodwill or eBay, and vow not to accumulate as much next year. I clean and purge, purge and clean, and get ready for a summer with no giant “To Do” list hanging over my head. It is hard work, but it feels good when you are done.

Please note, however, that I have one warning: If you’ve finished with thehouse, and are still hopped up on your cleaning high, don’t start trying to clean the garage. I have attempted this a few times, and I find at least half the crap I had thrown out the previous spring, tucked away in a dark, cobwebby corner. Men, it seems, like to keep EVERYTHING. They hide it away just in case they ever “need it for anything”, as my husband says. They know this is unacceptable, which is why they hide it. Since it is in a detached garage, and no longer in my house, I let it slide. But I tell you this right now…If I ever find a hobo in that garage, my husband is in trouble.